My job, my provider?

If you have been following my blog, you know that I have been writing a lot about how I hate my job. It was a blessing from God at the time, but I wanted to hold onto it as if it would be my blessing forever. It became my sense of security. My job, my provider?

The Problem with My Job

I have been working at this job since September 2022. It was a job I prayed for for a long time before I got it, when all hope felt lost. When I got it, I was happy and grateful for this blessing, and it truly was a blessing.

After six months of working there, we moved to a new location. The transition was chaotic, a total mess. I started having problems with formalin. It is a substance used to fixate tissue. I brought it up, and they checked the ventilation and said everything was fine. But whenever I work with it, my stomach burns, I get reflux, and my eyes burn. It was very bad.

It took a while, but God came through, and now I am not exposed to it as much anymore.

After that, I often had headaches at work. On October 12, 2024, I got a strange headache, one I had never experienced before, and I started to panic. After a year of dealing with this without answers, I told them that I wanted to work three days a week, fully paid, because my case was not being taken seriously. As soon as I told them that, they immediately arranged a workplace survey. It didn't even take three months before the company doctor wanted to talk to me about when I could be fully reintegrated into work. During the workplace survey, they also told me that they were only doing this because they were confident, I would eventually return to work full-time. I told them honestly that I didn't think I would be working full-time anymore.

Since working less, I have had fewer health issues. But by then, my work had already become my source of security. Many times, during that period, I prayed that the Lord would make the job so unbearable that I would leave. But one day I wanted to leave, and the next day I felt too comfortable, so I stayed longer than I was supposed to. I believe the Lord gave me at least two opportunities to leave. But I was too worried about how I would pay my bills if I left this job without having another one lined up.

My Job, My Provider?

My provider has always been God. I have been in a position twice where I didn't have a job, and God always provided for me. Looking back now, I realize I had kind of forgotten that. I forgot that I have this job because of Him, and before this, my trust was fully in Him. I even left my previous job as soon as He told me to leave. So, when did this job become my sense of financial security? Was it because I considered this a "real" job compared to my two previous jobs?

Moral of the Story

I was so focused on my job as my source of financial security that I put God aside as my ultimate provider. Yes, the job is a source of provision, but even without it, God will still provide for me. So, I hope we can all continue to trust the Lord, even when it is not easy.

Share if you have also had a similar experience with God! Through the testimonies we share, we encourage one another and find hope to keep trusting in the Lord. It's not the end yet, it's only the beginning. There are still many things I am trusting the Lord for.

Be blessed and stay blessed.