I want to pray about everything

For years, I have struggled with my relationship with God. This year, however, "i want to pray about everything", no matter how small. I once thought I knew what was best for my life, but now I realize I need to rely more on God.

I want to entrust my life completely to the Lord. I want to be bold and courageous. I miss that part of me. My faith was small, but it moved mountains. Many things happened along the way. I fell and drifted away from God, but He is the best thing I have had in my life.

I remember things He has done for me, like providing my house and giving me the internship I wanted. He helped me with my Chinese minor and so much more. But sometimes in life, we let go of God's hand for various reasons. Have you found yourself in that place, too?

Coming back to Jesus is hard. I feel guilty, not good enough, and like God won't forgive me because I have been bad. I have done things I know he didn't want. Reflecting, in my darkest days, God has been with me. I am not as sure when He talks to me now as I was back then, but I could see that He was still with me.

I want to pray about everything.

Now I want to start studying my bible again. I want to start praying more and trust the Lord more. I could remember how in love I was with God and His word. I was connected to him as much as possible. I always told myself: 'If I can't trust God now that life is easy, how will I trust Him when things get worse? Worse, I mean, being like persecuted. How can I trust him then when I can't trust Him now?

Coming back is not easy. The enemy doesn't want us to return because he knows that when we get back on track with Jesus, opposition will come. He wants us to be passive about God, spending our time on empty things, feeling depressed, stressed, and without hope.

God is my hope. When I let go of stress and gave it to Him, I felt relief and clarity that He wants what's best for me. My main prayer now is to accept His guidance, even when it's difficult or feels insincere. I know I need a fresh start, and that's where I am beginning.

Sometimes I want to feel God. I don't feel it, but I know he answers my prayers, even when they are silly little wishes. I want to go back to the place I said. " I can lose everything, but Jesus. Please don't give up on me." Let this be our prayer.

I realized that the more I search for the Lord, the more melodies flow into my mind, and the more songs I make. They don't make sense most of the time. But coming back to God gave me my purpose back. Then I realize, oh, this is it. The time I was away from God, my mind wasn't filled with melodies and the desire to sing to or for God. Maybe something Good will come out of the bad.

Be blessed, and stay blessed,