God's point of view

I'm going through a lot these days; those days are hard to trust the Lord. How can I trust when my world is crashing? We are aware of His promises, but it is hard to let go and trust that His promises for your life are true.

Problems after problems

For the last few weeks, I have had problems with a church member who doesn't see what she is doing wrong. Al started while I was talking with a guy friend, and she just came, didn't greet, interrupted us, and started talking with him. So, I called her out twice about that, but she didn't greet me and looked at me as if I was a nobody. So I left them talking. The following week we had Passover, and one of the deaconesses asked me if I could fill in her place because she would not be at church. We were only three, and she was one of them; she decided to sit and wash her feet and didn't help with anything else. If I weren't, she would have come to me to talk to me. Another member didn't help the other deaconess; I don't know what chaos that would have caused. The following week she came to me to talk to me, I thought she would apologize for the previous two weeks, but she blamed me and my best friend for something she suspected we did when we went on a cruise ship with her in 2019. I didn't know what she was talking about, but she looked at me as if I was lying and even told me she didn't believe what I was telling her. No matter what I told her, she won't believe me. How can you blame me for something I didn't do and don't want to believe me when I'm telling you I didn't? I was furious that day, very angry. The following week, she talked to my friend, who had the same problem. The case is still ongoing. We don't know what exactly is going on with her. We asked her if she had proof, but she didn't.

Second, my brother came to Holland when my friend (another friend) was leaving for vacation, and I could go with him because I had been getting a break from work (that's another whole story). My brother is coming to Holland; It's a problem because he doesn't know basic survival skills. He wanted to go to Holland, where he could become more independent; I got it. It is also a good initiative, but the lack of basic morals is also a problem. It hasn't been a week, and they are calling me because they couldn't reach my mom. He had a problem paying with His card, got angry, and slammed his head, which scared his roommates. They say he isn't doing anything and stays in his room all day. They give him food and ask if he has eaten; he won't cook. The woman who helped him come here, let's call her Cara, called me. I didn't know who she was, so I declined the call. My brother sent me a message telling me who it was, so I called back. It was 22.00, so I guessed it was urgent and called. She was the one who told me everything that was going on. So I called him and talked to Him, then called my mom, then I called him back. I hope it improves, but I must be more attentive to Him; on top of all that, I'm having mental breakdowns and need to be the psychologist for my family.

Next is my job, if you have been following my blogs. I often ramble about my job. One day, I like it; one day, I say I like it. One day, I realized that was the blessing I prayed for; another day, I felt like what I prayed for was a curse. So, do I go and ramble about being grateful and depressed simultaneously? Yes, crazy, right? Realizing how blessed you are and seeing how far you have come is sometimes overlooked by small things. I've been working there for nearly a year, and I feel unmotivated because I'm unsure about what else I want to do with my life. Being over 30, you think that you must have figured out your life, but it is not like that.

Additionally, you won't be able to take a vacation. I'm stressed because of the relocation of the lab because it's not safe to work in at this moment. You are exposed to a dangerous dose of toxic chemicals, and the higher-ups don't take it seriously. They don't have an answer for when it is gone; they think it will get fixed. Some days I want to leave, and sometimes I things that I need to start again; it's exhausting. Finding a new job is also on my mind. I had the opportunity to go on an interview, but I recall not being too fond of that place. My prayer was that if it were His will, he would open the door for me. I got rejected. Recruiters keep coming to me. Does the Lord want me to leave or show me he wants me there?

I'm exhausted

There is too much on my plate. Was I trying to control everything on my own, that the Lord needed to remind me that he had good plans for my life? I'm not alone, but he has the best intentions for my life. Just trust me! I want to trust him, but things don't go as I asked. The more I want to trust, the more my life is crushing. Knowing that He is a God who can do marvelous things, I hoped that He would fix it so I could go on vacation, because I was praying about that when He told me to trust Him. Still, I'm here with no opportunity to go on holiday. It's just time to accept it for what it is, let go, ask Him what you want to teach me, and believe that if it is His will, he will make it happen even though I don't see how. And even so, I know that it is the best decision for my life. What is God's point of view on all this?

These are the verses where I could find strength.

8) For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. 9) For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9

11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Jeremiah 29:11

10) Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth. Psalms 46:10

Do I know what God's point of view is on my situation? No! But I want to believe that He does everything for my good. He knows what is better for me, and one day I will understand everything.

Be blessed, and stay blessed!